Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Saloon Showdown
The saloon doors swung open as a man of considerable size stepped in. He shook the trail dust off of his clothes and adjusted his hat. All eyes were on him as he walked towards the bar and ordered a shot of whiskey. After quickly drinking the whiskey, he turned around and everyone went back to their business. Five more shots of whiskey and 20 minutes later, a man got up from his seat and approached the slightly inebriated cowboy."You done had quite a few drinks feller." Said the stranger. "I don't believe we've met before... me and you.... sir." Replied the drunk cowboy. Then the stranger said, "You look familiar; say aint you Jonah Williamson's boy?" The cowboy's eyes widened, and he almost lost his balance. "Hey, that there's my father's name, and my name is J-Jack Williamson. Who in the heck is askin' mister?" Said Jack. "I knew your father, boy. We used to ride together. He was a good man, but he made some rather fatal mistakes." Said the stranger. Jack raised his voice, "Now who in the hell do you think you are tellin' me about my f-father mister? You better get the hell out of this town before I put a bullet between your damn eyes!" Jack put his hand on his revolver while trying to keep his balance. The stranger quickly replied, "I would suggest that you leave this saloon now," he pointed to himself and 3 other men, "me n' my gang here wouldn't appreciate having to bury your corpse like we did your father's."
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great story. i like the ending. 6 shots thats alot
ReplyDeleteStill no paragraph breaks (!!!!), but you've slowed down the plot a bit and now this works more like a story should. Great dialogue. However, I'm not sure of the ending; you end quite abruptly, leaving this story feeling a bit unfinished. Try to think more about openings and closing for your next story.
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